today was aaaaaaaaaaaaalooooooooooooooooooooooooooottttttttttttttt.
im at my desk after hitting the bowl a few times and i doodled in my notebook, i listened to some music, i turned the smart bulb down to a dim peach
today after school i had to let out a few bloodcurdling screams in my car and then go lay on the pavement in the sun. it did help. i laid there on Rosewood and imagined the free body diagram of the forces acting on my body at rest. and i imagined the tension from my body seeping back into the earth. it did help.
i made tea.
anyway
i’ve decided that
i trust god
so i know everything will be okay . yeahh.
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i keep thinking of that poster on the wall of the yoga studio that i went to last night. A quote from the Dalai Lama:
“When you think everything is someone else's fault, you will suffer a lot. When you realize that everything springs only from yourself, you will learn both peace and joy.”
honestly
i felt so frustrated and angry to read it.
why are these things springing from myself then.
can someone tell god i am not his strongest soldier. stop giving me these battles wrong bitch .
wrong bitch.
but i trust god and i decided that for sure today. it doesn’t do any good to get mad or act out, crash out.
so i just have to learn peace and joy.
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i recorded astrology notes for the next month
2/27 New Moon 9°41 ♓︎, 7Pm EST
☿ ⚹ ♅
♓︎ 23°♉︎
03/01-04/26 - ☿ ‘retroshade’ begins, 26° ♓︎
03/15 - retrograde begins 09°32 ♈︎
04/08 - S.D. 26°51 ♓︎
04/26 - retroshade ends 09°32 ♈︎
03/02-04/13 - ♀ retrograde
10°♈︎ → 26°♓︎ → 10°♈︎
(01/28-05/16 with shades)
03/14 Full moon 23°57 ♍︎
☉ ☍ ☾,♄,♆
03/24-03/26 - mars square to chiron
♂ □ ⚷
♋︎ 21°♈︎
03/28-03/31 - ☿,♀,♆ ☌ 29°♓︎